Alright, now I will tell you the story of why I finally sat down and started my own blog.
This past Friday I went to the optometrist. It seemed like a pretty good idea since I haven't been in for about five or six years and my prescription had definitely changed. I got to go through the "fun" tests they have when you first get there. My absolute favorite (sarcasm) is that puff of air they have to shoot into your eye to check the pressure. So I finished those and then they did one I don't recall ever having done before. They took a picture of each of my eyes. As in the inside of my eyes. I thought it was pretty cool. So after all of that they took me into the room where the doctor has you look through a series of lenses and asks repeatedly, as Brian Regan would say, "Do you like it better like this? Or like this?" After all was said and done and the doctor looked at my eyes he wrote down some things, talked to me for a minute, and then showed me the pictures they had just taken of my eyes... Apparently my optical nerves are swollen. In addition to that I had also told him that I'd been having some minor headaches over the previous few days. Even though they were really mild, the frequency was unusual for me because I rarely get headaches. He told me that both the swollen optical nerves and the headaches are signs of a brain tumor. Or, possibly, a pseudo tumor. A pseudo tumor is when the body produces too much cerebral spinal fluid, which puts increased pressure on the brain. This creates tumor-like symptoms without a tumor actually being present. I kept my composure in the office (I was kind of impressed, actually)... and then I got home. As soon as I started talking to my mom I lost it. I won't deny that I was scared. I was scared of pain and I was scared of dying. My mom called my dad and we went to my grandpa's house so they could give me a blessing. On the way there I had the thought "I've had some really neat spiritual experiences in my life. And I know that if it's God's will, I'll be fine." I immediately felt more calm. I was given a blessing, which gave me more comfort, and I am certain that it is not yet my time to leave this Earth.
I went back to the office on Tuesday and did the visual field tests and lazer scans for each eye. Let me tell you, having your eyes dilated feels really weird. The tests came back mostly normal. But they did confirm that my optical nerves are definitely and very swollen. The headaches had also continued (except for Monday). I went back the next day to do the visual fields one more time for comparison purposes and at that point the doctor told my mom and I that he is pretty sure it's a pseudo tumor for several reasons that I won't get into here. So. I am now scheduled for an MRI tomorrow morning as a precaution just to make sure it isn't a tumor. Normally the next step would be a spinal tap (*gagging and shuddering*), but I have been informed that it may not have to come to that (*cheering*). I'll let you know how it goes.
Now, my reason for writing this is not to get a bunch of pity and freaked out phone calls. I wrote this because I'd rather people just know instead of trying to keep it a secret. I know I'll be okay so there's nothing to lose sleep over (except maybe the IV they have to put in me tomorrow. Why am I going into nursing again?).
So there you go. That is the reason that I decided to finally start a blog. Not because I'm going to die, but because in that brief time that dying seemed like a possibility for the near future I was reminded forcibly of the quote "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." Or, as Professor Harold Hill would say: "You pile up too many tomorrows and you'll be left with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays." I think that's how he says it.
There you have it, folks! I'll update again tomorrow. For now, Guten Abend.
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